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Christmas is the best time of year to travel. If you’re from somewhere cold you probably want to get away to somewhere warm. If you’re from somewhere warm there’s still some novelty in going to a place where you might freeze your ass off to feel in the Christmas spirit.
But one thing often gets in the way of you spending your Christmas vacation traveling where you want to go: family.
Family often expects you to drop everything and spend one of your few days off from work or school and spend it with them. Or if you’re on a gap year or ’round the world trip they think you’re going to just book a plane home to be with them. Your parents might even guilt you into it by buying your flight. But free flight or not, who actually wants to spend Christmas with their family?
If you want to travel during the holidays, or spend Christmas on the beach instead of on your sister-in-law’s bungalow, here are five surefire excuses to help you get out of traveling home for the holidays…
Feign an Illness
No wants someone coughing on the the roast beef or sneezing in the Waldorf salad, so feigning an illness is the easiest way to get out of coming to Christmas dinner. You mom probably won’t care if it’s something small like the flu. After all, she did take care of you on all those days you faked getting sick to get out of school growing up. So make your illness good. Food poisoning and the flu are bad choices. Ebola or malaria is better.
Your Flight was Cancelled
Flights get cancelled every day, even more so around the holidays as airlines over book and weather is less than ideal. So what if your scheduled departure is right on time, no one has to know but you. Once frantic phone call home saying you’re sorry but there’s nothing you can do is all it takes, even if you never booked the flight to begin with.
Say You Got Detained
Is your dad one of those people who tracks your flight and knows the moment it takes off and the moment it lands? There may be no faking the cancelled flight with him. But you can fool him into thinking you were never let on the flight to begin with. Tell him you missed the flight because you were detained. Maybe the TSA were assholes and thought that snowglobe you were gifting mom was a bomb. Maybe there’s also a terrorist on the no-fly list out there with the name Bob Smith. Maybe they heard you sneeze and detained you for bringing in ebola.
Fake Being Kidnapped
If all else fails, disappear. A few days before Christmas just stop responding to your brother’s texts, stop replying to your aunt’s emails, and stop answering the phone to your mom. Then a few days after Christmas return with a story about how you were kidnapped by Vietnamese rebels and you had to bite through the rope and crawl through the jungle to escape. Your mom might be worried, but at least you got out of Christmas. You might even get a nice boost to your travel fund if you send a ransom note.
How will you get out of traveling home for the holidays this year?