10 Struggles Every Backpacker Who Has Slept on a Top Bunk Will Understand
All of us have been there. You check into your hostel, and someone on staff shows you up to your room. He opens the door, he points out your bed… and it’s the top bunk. The top bunk. No backpacker in the history of backpacking has ever been excited to sleep on the top bunk of a hostel dorm.
The top bunk is awkward. The top bunk is annoying. The top bunk is just…wrong.
Why is sleeping on the top bunk in a hostel dorm room so goddamn awful? Here are ten reasons why.
10 Struggles Every Backpacker Who Has Slept on a Top Bunk in a hostel dorm room will Understand:
1. That Sinking Feeling When It’s the Only Bed Left
There’s no worse feeling than walking into a new hostel dorm, surveying the beds, realizing the only one unoccupied is a top bunk, and knowing that that will be your home for the next few nights. You can feel it in the pit of your stomach.
2. Wanting to Have Sex
Nothing is more awkward than trying to have sex on a top bunk. I’m not saying I haven’t done it. I’m just saying it’s pretty awkward. You both have to climb up to the top. You both have to worry about not moving so much you fall over the side. Your pants and her bra will inevitably fall and end up on the floor. Or on the mate sleeping below you. And there’s no where to drape a towel or sheet to give yourself the illusion of privacy. The top bunk in a hostel room is the worst place to have sex.
3. Needing to Use the Bathroom
You’ve climbed up to the top of your bunk and you’ve tucked yourself in for the night: then you realize you need to take a piss. So you have to untuck yourself and climb all the way back down to get to the bathroom or risk pissing your bed and the guy sleeping below you. On the bottom bunk you just have to sit up and go, there’s barely any effort there. It’s even worse when you’re drunk and need to pee every ten minutes. Or when you catch a case of the dreaded Delhi Belly and need to haul ass to the can in constant rotation. Those extra seconds spent climbing down the ladder can hurt. Hurt bad. Trust me.
4. When You Forget Something in Your Locker
We’ve all been there. You climb up to the top bunk, ready to call it an afternoon, and then you realize you left your phone in your locker. So you climb back down, retrieve your phone, and climb back up…only to realize you don’t have your charger.
5. When You’re Too Drunk to Climb Up
Face it: stairs of any kind can be a challenge when drunk. But bunk bed ladders? Impossible.
6. Having to Use Someone Else’s Bed
When you’re sleeping on the top bunk in a hostel, it’s not always convenient to get back up there when you don’t have to and, usually, there’s no where else to sit in the room other than someone else’s bed. So, chances are, you’ll have to sit on someone else’s bed to put on your shoes or read your guidebook or just chill out. It’s usually not a problem…if you’re alone. But when someone comes in and sees you sitting on their bed, they are never happy.
7. The Corner of Stuff
Since it’s inconvenient to constantly be climbing into and out of your top bunk, it’s often more convenient to just bring everything you might need up to you. Soon, you’ll accumulate a corner of stuff. You’ll have everything from your laptop to your clothes to your shampoo piled in the corner of your mattress. Sometimes that pile starts accumulating so much that you’re lucky to have any room left for yourself.
8. When Something Falls Off
Because, inevitably, something will fall off your top bunk and you’ll never find it again.
9. When You Fall Off
Because, inevitably, you’ll fall off the top bunk at some point.
10. When The Bed Breaks
Hostel beds aren’t always known for being the most secure. Sometimes when you climb up to the top you can feel the whole bed wobble beneath you. Sometimes you can feel the creaking of boards when you shift while sleeping. Sometimes the bed just gives out completely under you. Now, I guess this situation may be even worse for the guy on the bottom bunk. But no one wants to fall through a bed. And no one wants to answer to hostel staff to explain what happened to their bed.
What do you think is the worst thing about sleeping on the top bunk in a hostel?
If you follow any of these tips, the hostel workers will hate you.
Taking someone elses bed / trying to have sex in a dorm? Yikes man.